Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
They took my balls.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize