Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
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