I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
