if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize