Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
