Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
