When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Two words: blizzard sex
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
