I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
