similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
