i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
