I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
