had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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