pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
