i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
