woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
