Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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