can we get nightvision for the apartment?
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
