I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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