WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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