i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
