I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
