thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
We are two peas in an std pod
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
