she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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