I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
