It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
