No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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