Already got asked if we're dating
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
my god I love twenty year old dicks
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
