So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
