he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize