The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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