Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
