i was born a porn star she said
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
