Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
