Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Randomize
