He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
