just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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