It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
