Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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