I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
