i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
