i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
