Cold hands, warm shart.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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