you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
