I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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