We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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