I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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