I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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