i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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