I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
