I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
