Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
