You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
