My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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