She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
