Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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