There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
It's rum buckets o'clock
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
