I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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