I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
