In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I want to fling myself into the sun
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
