My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
