i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Randomize
