About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
