He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
