yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
