Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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