it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
