I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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