I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
