He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize