There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
