please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
