So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
