right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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