And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
And then my night got REAL pukey
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize