someone threw a dead crab at me
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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