i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
