But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
