just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize