so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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