The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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