Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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