what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
