Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
